Homesick

When I was a little girl I went through a long period of time when I could not spend the night at friends’ houses. I suffered terribly from homesickness. I would often muster up the courage to try – and things would be going along well until bed time. When the sun went down and I knew bedtime was coming the feelings started. My stomach would be in knots and the fears came.

I remember one night I was attempting to spend the night at my next door neighbor’s house. We were camping out on the back porch. I was lying there in my sleeping bag staring at my house and tears were just pouring. All the lights were on at home and soon I found myself jumping out of my sleeping bag, hoping the fence and running through my front door into my mom’s arms. That is where I wanted to be – with my mom.

My little Brooke is homesick. Her days are pretty good but at night I see the look in her eyes. I know that look – I have felt something similar. Last night was particularly difficult for her. She told me that she has been dreaming a lot about her Ethiopian mom and the dreams are bad.

Here are some of my daughters’ fears:
- that her mom got eaten by an alligator
- that her mom got very sick and died
- that her mom does not know where she is

and the worst of all…

- that her mom forgot about her

No six year old child should have to carry such a burden. It kills me to know that she is suffering like this. I look at her face and the grief she bears and I cry because there is not a single thing I can do to help her.

When I was little and felt homesick I got to go home. Within moments I would be in my own bed safe and content. That will never be possible for Brooke. All I can do is hold her and tell her that her Ethiopian mom loves her very much and she will never forget her.

One day her comfort will be restored. Our heavenly Father loves her more than either her Ethiopian mom or her American mom. The process is just painful.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

One Thing I Love About You...

Today is Brent's birthday - his first birthday with seven children. Also our Ethiopian kids' first opportunity to see how we can honor our parents on their special day.

This morning, while I (Kris) read about William Penn and the Pennsylvania Colony (1600's history), the kids created beautiful works of birthday art for their father. In addition to a picture each child wrote one reason why they love their dad. Here are the results:

"One thing I love about you, dad is......"

Aaron -"your mobility with a bad back"

Jenna - "the way you always wait patiently until we can pray."

Joseph - "that you teach me about Jesus."

Ellie - "that you are a good dad. I am special to have you as a dad."

Kate - "your great big bear hugs!"

Brooke - "that you are silly and that you love Jesus."

Max - "that you are very strong. You could kill Goliath."

We also enjoyed Brent's favorite Oatmeal Cake and a few token gifts.

Happy Birthday, Brent... One thing I love about you is that you always put us first. Always. I watch you over and over sacrifice your time, energy, and wants for us.

Thank you.

"And People Ask Why We Adopted"

Max: "Mom, in Etopia we don't wake up our mom to go potty in the night. We just go by ourselves."

Mom: "Why don't you wake up your mom?"

Max: "Because we don't HAVE any moms."

(My stomach dropped and the reality of my sons' past hit me again. I picked him up, gave him a huge squeeze, and said...)

Mom: "In America you can wake up your mom."

I often feel like the blessing is all mine.

.

Pancake Monday

There's really nothing quite like a short stack of pancakes to start your week off right. A big batch of pancake batter measured out in over 30 pancakes, cooked on an electric griddle and served with butter and syrup and milk or O.J. Of course, there is a pot of coffee for the cook (me) and the resident computer communicator (Kris emailing her new adoption buddies and/or old friends) in the other room. I usually try to schedule myself to be home on Monday mornings... no meetings, no clients, no distractions! And while this is not always possible, we all look forward to this time. Some weeks, Pancake Monday actually takes place on Tuesday.

Now that school has officially started, mornings are even crazier than they used to be. It is good that we attempt to take this time every Monday morning to count and make sure there are still 9 of us in the family. It is quite possible that one of us could have been lost somewhere in the weekend activities. So far, we have all been present for Pancake Monday. Kris had the kids start reciting John 3:16 before we eat of the stacks in front of us, and then we end Pancake Monday breakfast with a devotional. Here's what we've learned thus far...

Kids need pancakes!
Moms need pancakes!
Dads need pancakes!

And the family needs this time to look forward to. There's some interesting conversation that happens during Pancake Monday that might not happen otherwise. Mixing pancakes with Wisdom, and Trustworthiness, and Boldness, and Diligence, and Courage, and Love is a great recipe for Life. Can someone please pass the syrup...!

Post Adoption - Apples & Attaching

When I was growing up on our farm we had an apple tree that produced different types of apples. I could never figure out "how" this tree was able to do this. It had only one trunk which meant it had only one root system. But when it came time for the apples to ripen, different apples would ripen at different times on different parts of the tree. At least this is what I remember!!! I also recall learning that branches from different types of apple trees had been grafted into the original tree, and through the same root system and trunk system, these different branches could still remain alive and still produce their respective apple fruit. But each apple was good for some specific purpose. My mom knew exactly which apples made the best pie or dumplings, which apples made the best applesauce, which apples made the best apple butter, etc. She knew exactly what to do with each kind of apple.

I think I'm learning that adoption... post-adoption... is a lot like that old apple tree. Sometimes we get Red Delicious. Sometimes we get Yellow Delicious. Sometimes we get Crabapple!!!! And each type of apple (parent and/or child & attitude wrapped together in his or her own skin) has its own unique value and contribution to the overall fruit production. In our efforts to work through the post-adoption process, all of us... all nine of us... have to learn how each of us continue to bear fruit and grow and mature while drawing our source of life from one trunk and one root system. God created the family! He has ordained and appointed the family as the central unit of where we are to grow and mature and learn to bear fruit. He constantly reminds me that He grafted me into His family, and that He has the life sustaining power to feed me and grow me even though I used to draw from a different source. When He made life available to me by adopting me as a son, the resources He gathered through His root system and His trunk were more than enough to help me grow.

If the original tree and the newly grafted -in branches had any feelings at all, I couldn't imagine the PAIN they had to go through to adjust to the new life they suddenly found themselves involved in. I need to remember this when I look at the original branches and the new branches that now make up our tree. We now have a new tree! And while it is very tough, I do see growth spurts and new fruit being produced in ALL of the branches. Praise the Lord!

God's Provision - God's Call

Yesterday, God provided all of these dry goods for our pantry. Cans of fruits & vegetables, tubs of peanut butter, boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, boxes of Mac & Cheese, Ramen Noodles, Pasta and much more. We are overwhelmed and humbled at God's provision.

Today, God called Max to be a chef - apparently someone needs to prepare all of that food.


And if we think this is just a coincidence, remember that in Scripture and throughout all of History, God's call and God's provision go hand in hand. O, how desperately I need to remember this! (See Reality Check post) Thank You, Lord.

Memories of Michindoh '07

Reality Check!

(Disclaimer #1: I try not to live my life based on pole results, nor did I start this BLOG in order to win any popularity contests.)
(Disclaimer #2: I have no idea where this entry is going.)
(Disclaimer #3: I have not had any desire to write for several weeks.)
(Disclaimer #4: The thoughts and views expressed below are mine alone.)
(Disclaimer #5: I already know in advance that God is teaching me through this entire process!!!!)

This adoption stuff is hard. I see my wife beaten down almost every day by ungrateful kids who continually demand more. "I want braces too, mom!" "I want a new bicycle." "Why did ________ get new shoes, and I didn't?" "I want __________!!!!" "I want ________ !" We have been asked if the honeymoon stage has come and gone... and I say, "WHAT HONEYMOON STAGE!?" It seems as soon as we got to America, our kids were full of demands. After one particular incident, I sat down with our oldest adopted son and asked where he learned so much about America, and where he learned that you can have/get anything you want in America. "Film" was his simple, one-word answer. It seems that through watching TV and videos and movies from America, the kids have come to expect that they can get and will get everything and anything they want in America. Well, not in this house you won't! Reality check! Let the attaching/bonding begin...

Parenting children from birth allowed us to shape their belief system right from the beginning. There are obviously all kinds of parenting styles in the world today. It has not been our style to raise our children to believe they are the center of the universe. We have adopted children that already had a beginning. We weren't there. We are now! Teaching and training older children to suddenly believe differently and behave differently is a full-time job. Teaching three older siblings that have a complete family history, sibling rivalry, language barrier, cultural differences, birth order shakeup, etc., make each day feel like a week. And while I struggle to work enough to pay the bills on time, my wife bears the brunt of this exhausting labor of love. She sometimes doesn't feel like it, but she is really good at this. She is really amazing. I see her heart, and I wonder how she does it. She still needs all the encouragement she can get. Reality check! Pray for Kris...

Speaking of work... Lord knows we need the revenue... thus far the medical bills are rapidly approaching $10,000. Only one of 4 minor surgeries has taken place. We haven't gotten the bill for that one yet... the bills we have seen so far are just for the assessment work and prep work. How in the world are we supposed to cover these costs? Too bad I didn't think to bring these kids in illegally... I could have saved thousands of dollars in fees - VISA, Passport, USCIS, court fees, adoption fees - and hours of time running around parking at meters to pay good money to get papers stamped and notarized and authenticated. I could have gotten tons of free medical care from what I understand as well. Looks like I missed a "golden opportunity" right there. Reality check! I am considering sending an invoice to Congress... I wonder if any of them will read this entry...

I used to think I was a decent father. I'm not so sure any longer. Why is it that I feel I am failing in almost every area of fatherhood? I remember what it felt like in athletics when some team came along and just beat the crap out of us. I remember what it felt like to get the wind knocked out of me. I remember what it felt like to lose and to lose badly. I never wanted that taste in my mouth again. I taste that right now! There are days when I really feel like I am losing. There are days when I feel like I am losing the peace and stability we once had in the house. Most days I realize that I am not doing a good job - my part - as a husband and father. I can't think of a day since we have been home that I haven't been upset with the way the kids have treated me or my wife... or someone else. I've never done real well with kids that whine and complain and disrespect parents and other adult authority figures. Reality check! I wonder when we'll taste victory again...

(Disclaimer #6: It has been over 2 weeks since I wrote the above paragraphs.)

We've had some victories lately! There's been a lot of bonding and attachment happening. Praise the Lord! I have seen God work in our family in amazing ways. God is mostly working on me. I have discovered that I am really good at paying lip service to "trusting God." How often do I say that I trust God? How often do I counsel others to trust God. How often do I model to my 7 children that I really trust God? How often do I model to Kris that I am leading this house by trusting God? Since the heat of summer has come, we are getting some good swimming in at the pool across the street. Four of the kids can swim really well... sort of like fish! Three of the kids can't at all. They cling and grab and thrash about, gasping as they barely keep their mouth above water. But I have watched each one of them start to trust me in the water a little more each time we go... and I am seeing them start to relax a little. And we know what happens when we start to relax in dad's arms. Reality check! I haven't scratched the surface on trusting God...

Father, help me relax in You... help me to clearly see and understand how much You love our family. Help me to keep my head above water. Help me curb my anger and cynicism. Help me see clearly what You are doing. Help me be a witness for You. Help me trust You more! Help me relax in You. Thank You for the food that was delivered to our house today. Thank you for the small discount on one of the recent bills. Thank You for the gift of church camp for some of our children, and Kris. Thank You for our local church body, that gives so much and cares so much and prays so much for us. Help me relax in You. Help me have meaningful conversations with the various medical providers about how we are trusting You throughout this process. Help me have meaningful conversations with Kris. Help me continue to serve our clients above and beyond their expectations. Thank You for the wonderful encouragement at the recent home-school conference. Thank You for the gift of educating our children at home. Help us figure out how to schedule and structure our school days. Help us make sure we are making You the focal point in our school and our children's education. Help me relax in You. Help me learn to trust...

A Picture Paints a 1000 Words... Two Pictures say it all!

I start my diet tomorrow!!!

You know its coming but...

In the Crusader Football program, like any good football program, the offensive coaches spend a lot of their time teaching the quarterback and the other offensive players how to recognize a blitz. Depending on game situation, you know its coming, but you just have to identify from where? Sometimes it comes from unlikely places and in ways that force an immediate decision... "Does the quarterback stand in the pocket and deliver the ball or does he scramble?"

Last Sunday afternoon, Aaron had a guitar recital and we were blessed to attend as a family... as a full family of 9! The recital was held at an assisted living facility and was packed full of piano players and guitar players, their families and friends, and residents of the facility. We had a great time, the music was wonderfully pleasant, and it was nice just to relax a little with the kids. Soon after Aaron played a sweet rendition of Amazing Grace and the recital was officially over, a sweet little 90 something summoned me over near her. It seemed that she had something she wanted to share... it was then I recognized a blitz coming!!

"What is all of this?" she asked. "All of what?" I replied. "All of this black-white stuff!" she scoffed. "Excuse me!?" I said. "What are you doing with them people?" she asked. "Why don't you leave them to their own people?" "We are their people!" I retorted. "We love them... they're our kids." "This is wrong!" she said. "You think so?" I asked. "They belong with their own people!" she said again. "What's wrong with it?" I asked. ... and then I saw the opening... "Isn't it a good thing that someone loves them? Don't you have someone that loves you? ... and as quickly as the blitz came, it was over. God allowed me to stand in the pocket.

I have no idea about the ultimate outcome of this dialogue. I don't know anything about this little 90 something that needs help getting in and out of her chair and can barely walk with a walker. I don't know what she is thinking, or what beliefs and prejudices have been dumped into her head. I don't know if anyone loves her. And then in my mind I hear Aaron playing Amazing Grace. It is only through God's amazing grace that we have the capacity to love at all. It is only by God's grace that we are able to let go of our prejudices. James 1:27 says, "This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." I don't even know her name.