Friday, October 26, 2007

Homesick

When I was a little girl I went through a long period of time when I could not spend the night at friends’ houses. I suffered terribly from homesickness. I would often muster up the courage to try – and things would be going along well until bed time. When the sun went down and I knew bedtime was coming the feelings started. My stomach would be in knots and the fears came.

I remember one night I was attempting to spend the night at my next door neighbor’s house. We were camping out on the back porch. I was lying there in my sleeping bag staring at my house and tears were just pouring. All the lights were on at home and soon I found myself jumping out of my sleeping bag, hoping the fence and running through my front door into my mom’s arms. That is where I wanted to be – with my mom.

My little Brooke is homesick. Her days are pretty good but at night I see the look in her eyes. I know that look – I have felt something similar. Last night was particularly difficult for her. She told me that she has been dreaming a lot about her Ethiopian mom and the dreams are bad.

Here are some of my daughters’ fears:
- that her mom got eaten by an alligator
- that her mom got very sick and died
- that her mom does not know where she is

and the worst of all…

- that her mom forgot about her

No six year old child should have to carry such a burden. It kills me to know that she is suffering like this. I look at her face and the grief she bears and I cry because there is not a single thing I can do to help her.

When I was little and felt homesick I got to go home. Within moments I would be in my own bed safe and content. That will never be possible for Brooke. All I can do is hold her and tell her that her Ethiopian mom loves her very much and she will never forget her.

One day her comfort will be restored. Our heavenly Father loves her more than either her Ethiopian mom or her American mom. The process is just painful.









“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

4 comments:

jen said...

Poor girl! Love the pic of the two of you! :)

Patrick said...

My boys have nightmares as well. It is always about missing their parents. Noah told me just the other night that he was dreaming that his mother went to be with God - nothing but a ball of tears. All you can do is wrap them up in your arms, pray with them and try to encourage them.

Jess said...

Oh this makes me so sad!

Thankfulmom said...

Kris,
This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it. Kalkidan has times of grief too, and it is so sad. Your family looks great!
Lisa